I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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