i think my tv is drunk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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