also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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