I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
