Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
