I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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