I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
