so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
