I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
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Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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