Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
