she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, he came in my armpit
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i drank out of a bidet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
