I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
