im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
