I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
