just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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