he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
