4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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