Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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