Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
