no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
