your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
