I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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