True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
