Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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