Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
