Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
