why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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