either way he was missing a nipple.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
