I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
