i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
