really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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