i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
