i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
