Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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