Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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