I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
