your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
