glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
third nipple confirmed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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