There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
