So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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