the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
