Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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