Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
