One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
