He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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