ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
