I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
