So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
