your thong is hanging out like whoa
i barfeds in our rink
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize