You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
