as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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