Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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