The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't deserve a penis
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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