I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
