Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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