VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
