so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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