Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
