sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
