I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
