I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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