Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
