My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
