If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
