woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
