It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
