I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
