I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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