If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
