the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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