A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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