i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
