I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my vag is so smooth its legendary
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
